It Occurred to Me During the Super Bowl

The world is coming to an end as we know it. It is as simple as that. I saw proof-positive of that last Saturday. I will tell you why I know this to be true, but before I do, I find myself in the enviable position of being able to solve the rest of the world’s problems. For the sake of this blog, the “world” will be considered to be the “computer” world; not the world of upcoming elections, ongoing military battles, or whether or not the current writer’s strike will end in time for “Two and a Half Men” to resume taping.

    Nostradamus

My gain is your gain. My new-found wisdom will allow you to follow my all-knowing, life-changing decisions.** Again, I remind you that my epiphany is based on the fact that I observed something that convinced me that the world is soon coming to an end. This mere fact makes “seeing the future” very easy (not to mention unnecessary). Anyway...

1. XP or Vista?  Upgrade downward to XP, but then, does it really matter? The world will end before either of the next service packs are out for either one.

2. Should I get more RAM? Logically, you can never have too much RAM although most likely, under most circumstances, you can’t use more than about 3.5 gig. Realistically, however, I would refrain from getting more RAM because it will just make things appear to move faster and therefore, you will reach the end of the world more quickly. IMO, downgrade to 16 meg. of RAM and S-L-O-W things down to a crawl.

3. Paper or plastic? Tough call, but then it doesn’t have to be. Pick one and get on with life, it will be over soon. I suppose from an altruistic standpoint, we might help the next inhabitants of this big, blue marble by leaving as many trees around as we can.

4. Boxers or briefs. Again, a tough call. Don’t sweat it; it isn’t going to matter.

5. VFP SP1 or VFP SP2? VFP SP1. In six months if the world is still running and your applications are too, then you can BEGIN to worry about SP2. Until then, count on the apps not needing any enhancements.

   Davetradamus

So, that should just about wrap up any big questions that may be bothering you. If you think I have missed any, just leave a comment, but make it quick; we don’t have much time. Oh yes, what has enabled me to play Nostradamus for the day?  I was grocery shopping on Saturday buying my usual collection of health food; licorice Nibs, Dorito Cool Ranch chips, and hot dogs. I ALWAYS have a problem with the hot dogs. Since the beginning of mankind, it has been virtually impossible to buy the same number of buns (in one package) as there are hot dogs in one package. I mean, after all, who wants to end up with either left over buns or left over hot dogs? Not me! Right now you are, I’ll bet, assuming that I finally found eight buns and eight hot dogs or the mother lode, ten buns and ten dogs. Nope. What I found was something even rarer than being able to match up the same number of buns and dogs. What I found was (are you sitting down?) a package of hot dogs containing SEVEN hot dogs. SEVEN! Now, that’s just not right. It had to be a fluke, but when I checked every one of the packages of that brand (I am purposely avoiding giving out their name to save them the embarrassment, but will send it to you under private e-mail if you would like), indeed, each package contained SEVEN hot dogs. If that isn’t proof-positive the world is coming to an end, I don’t know what is. Be smart. Do not ignore my insight. The end is near.

**Limit of responsibility – Note that your mileage may vary. Blindly following my new insight may be harmful to your physical person, your savings, your personal relationships, or your bowling average. The new-found wisdom expressed in this blog in no way reflects, one way or another, the feelings, wisdom, knowledge, explicit or implied by my employer, Visionpace (but boy, are they going to be sorry when they elect to not follow my advice). The observations are solely my own; no one else’s, and as such, I expect them to allow me to end up ruling the world (or something very, very close).